i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
