Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
