At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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