He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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