she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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