No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize