I queefed so loud it echoed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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