i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
