sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
