this beer tastes like vomit already
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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