I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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