mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
