Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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