I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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