So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
