I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
