We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
