Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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