As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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