she looked like the before picture.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
