you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
