At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
