I'd wear matching sweaters with you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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