He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
