I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
