Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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