ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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