i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize