I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
