Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
