i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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