Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
