why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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