The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
