you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
