i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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