the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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