im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
