He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
