at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize