whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
