when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
