I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
