Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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