So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
