I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
