I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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