I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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