y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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