If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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