I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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