Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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