As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
