go do what you do best...puke behind churches
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
