I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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