I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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