The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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