ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
