can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
