He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
