is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
