My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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