I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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