literally had 100 drinks last night.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
