I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
